Friday, December 28, 2012

Oh, Paris.

"That Paris exists and anyone could choose to live anywhere else in the world will always be a mystery to me."

That pretty much sums up the thoughts that went through my mind when I rode the train back to London from our two and a half day excursion to the city of lights and the home of croissants. Sometimes, all I can think about is how I felt in Shakespeare & Company with The Picture of Dorian Gray in my hand, or how I felt standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower with blisters on my heels, or how I felt in MuseĆ© de Orsay with wonder in my heart. Suddenly I knew how other people in the world felt when they walked those streets because I felt it too, an indescribable, powerful overtaking. Amazement, fascination, longing.

Tonight I watched my first Woody Allen film and I loved it. Midnight in Paris made me giggle and it made me frown and it made me think. It was one of those movies that I know will drift into my thoughts more than a few times in the next week or so, and those are my favorite kind of films to watch. The kind that stick with you.

"That's what the present is. It's a little unsatisfying because life is unsatisfying."

What hit me and what I think I related to most in this film was how much Gil wanted to live in a different time and place. I totally feel that. I've always thought that it would be so much better if I lived in the 20's or the 40's, or any time before the Vietnam War really. Never quite satisfied with my life. I don't really know why that is or how to stop it. All I know is that I focus so much on checkpoints: "I'll be happy when I go to college," I say. Well, I'm in college. "I'll be happy once I'm used to BYU." Hey, guess what -- I'm used to it. "I'll be happy when [fill in the blank]." The big takeaway, though, and what Gil finally realized is that he would never be happy unless he learned to be present. Not like the past, present, future kind of present, I mean mentally aware and accepting of the right now. Not wishing or waiting for something to happen, but immersing oneself in the current surroundings and situation. He realized this and then he walked down the Seine with a cute girl and it rained and it was all romantic and blahdy blah. So maybe once I finally accept and immerse myself in my life -- in the right now -- I will magically run into a handsome man whose conversation is enough to make me love him in less than two hours time. It's a thought anyway.

Also, this song. Oh, Paris...



  1. 20's?? Really? I do not think you would have fared well in the 20's. Anyway you can't have the 20's without also the 30's, unless you die young or are already old.

    In other news, you should start meditation.

  2. Oh, and I'm SO glad you saw that movie!! Isn't it just like the best surprise ever because it's so good and you weren't expecting it?? haha