Oh, Paris.

"That Paris exists and anyone could choose to live anywhere else in the world will always be a mystery to me."

That pretty much sums up the thoughts that went through my mind when I rode the train back to London from our two and a half day excursion to the city of lights and the home of croissants. Sometimes, all I can think about is how I felt in Shakespeare & Company with The Picture of Dorian Gray in my hand, or how I felt standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower with blisters on my heels, or how I felt in Museé de Orsay with wonder in my heart. Suddenly I knew how other people in the world felt when they walked those streets because I felt it too, an indescribable, powerful overtaking. Amazement, fascination, longing.

Tonight I watched my first Woody Allen film and I loved it. Midnight in Paris made me giggle and it made me frown and it made me think. It was one of those movies that I know will drift into my thoughts more than a few times in the next week or so, and those are my favorite kind of films to watch. The kind that stick with you.

"That's what the present is. It's a little unsatisfying because life is unsatisfying."

What hit me and what I think I related to most in this film was how much Gil wanted to live in a different time and place. I totally feel that. I've always thought that it would be so much better if I lived in the 20's or the 40's, or any time before the Vietnam War really. Never quite satisfied with my life. I don't really know why that is or how to stop it. All I know is that I focus so much on checkpoints: "I'll be happy when I go to college," I say. Well, I'm in college. "I'll be happy once I'm used to BYU." Hey, guess what -- I'm used to it. "I'll be happy when [fill in the blank]." The big takeaway, though, and what Gil finally realized is that he would never be happy unless he learned to be present. Not like the past, present, future kind of present, I mean mentally aware and accepting of the right now. Not wishing or waiting for something to happen, but immersing oneself in the current surroundings and situation. He realized this and then he walked down the Seine with a cute girl and it rained and it was all romantic and blahdy blah. So maybe once I finally accept and immerse myself in my life -- in the right now -- I will magically run into a handsome man whose conversation is enough to make me love him in less than two hours time. It's a thought anyway.

Also, this song. Oh, Paris...

Paris.

Blue skies are calling

I wrote a couple paragraphs. They were about my fears. My fears about next semester. Nervousness for school to start. Anxieties about new roommates. I got it all out. And, well... it's gone now.

Because I realized that none of that is important -- not now, not ever. I know that I'm nervous for everything to change, but things have to change, and they will whether I'm prepared for them to or not. Life does not wait. I know that what's most important in my life right now is my ability to embrace whatever comes next. Both my happiness and my inner peace depend on my willingness to do that.

Right now, everything is in motion. I have many decisions that are just kind of floatin' around up there, waiting for me to give them more attention. I do not intend to try to make these decisions now or even relatively soon. I'm just waiting, and as antsy as that makes me, it's what I've decided to do. It's what I feel I am supposed to do. I have no definitive plans for the future, and as someone who always has her life planned out, that terrifies me. Truly. But, you know, I have to be okay with that. And I will be.

Found this on Pinterest a while back. Always applicable.

Everything will be fine. Life is good; God is good. And things will work out in the end -- probably sooner, actually. I have complete faith in that. Until then, I'll just keep going, keeping an eye out for my blue skies. They're on their way. Merry Christmas. :)

Let's be best friends

Note: I started this post six days ago and never finished because I have been so unable to make a decision. Choosing a number 5 was excruciatingly difficult. Don't ask me why. But finally, and without further ado, I present to you... this. It's been a long time coming.

Last Sunday afternoon Sadie and I watched The Princess Diaries, and it didn't take me too long to decide that Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi is so original, unique, creative, and cool. She rock climbs, does yoga, paints, and hangs out with her mom in her spare time. She loves her 'Stang more than most people. She sets aside her pride to help out her grandmother, who she eventually grows to really love. She eats corndogs with mustard, not ketchup (girl knows what's up). Basically what I'm saying is that she is what everyone should aspire to be but she doesn't know it and she doesn't care. Sadie and I therefore concluded that we really, really want to be friends with Mia Thermopolis. But then I thought, you know, I bet Anne Hathaway is this cool in real life, which then sparked thoughts about other actors who are probably really funny and nice in real life, too. And so, after much consideration, I present to you a list of famous women that I really want to be my best friend.

#5: Taylor Swift.

My number one reason for picking her is that she just seems so. nice. From what I've gathered from the few interviews I've seen of her, she's genuine, kind, quirky, and fun. Good qualities for a best friend. Am I wrong? Additionally, I really appreciate the honesty that she puts into her music and the self confidence it takes to do that. I do have to admit that her newest album didn't seem as consistent to me in terms of her personality and honesty coming through -- I felt like a few of the songs were so over-produced and mainstream that I couldn't see the Taylor in them. However, there are still songs I relate to, and I appreciate her insight and her ability to express herself through music and words. It's something that I wish I were better at. Also, we could spend hours jamming, which is always a good thing. Oh she's just so cute. Love me some T-Swizzle.

#4: Anne Hathway.

I'm willing to bet that she is not far from the yoga-loving, rock-climbing, ketchup-hating person that she plays in one of her earlier films, as previously mentioned. Also, she was Cat Woman, which means she got to kiss Christian Bale, which means that if all else fails, we will have something to talk about. At length. Additionally, she can sing, she cut off all of her hair for a role, which is something I greatly admire, and she plays the most dedicated maternal role ever to be imagined up in the history of all-time ever.

#3: Mae Whitman

It took all of three minutes for this girl to beat out Anne/Mia/Selina/Fantine. I admit, this is probably a shallow reaction, but the second I saw that picture on her Twitter account, I was sold. Also, her background is a teacup pig wearing rainboots. So I guess I'm a little bit superficial, and I'm totally judging a book by its cover here, but she just seems like an awesome individual! Search her name on Pinterest and tell me she's not the cutest person in the world. After scrolling through pictures and descriptions, I have come to the conclusion that we would get along really well. I love that she is not your typical Hollywood star. She's not tall, she's not stick thin, she's not gorgeous. She's just normal. She's real. Also, she was in Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World, which earns her 100 points automatically, and she's in The Perks of Being A Wallflower, which I have yet to see, but again -- major points.

#2: Emma Stone

Hold the phone. She is doing The Bronwyn Face. I shouldn't need to say anything more for you to understand how awesome this girl is, but I will anyway. Just watch one of her many hilarious interviews -- she is just as funny, if not more so, in real life as she is in the roles she plays. You realize that the "character" she plays in Easy A is just herself, right? And let's not forget that in addition to being hilarious, quirky, and fun, she is also stellar in more serious parts (e.g. Skeeter in The Help). When she was a teenager she presented a Powerpoint to her parents to convince them to let her move to California to kick-start her acting career. And she's dating the cutest lil' Brit you'll ever lay eyes on.

#1: Zooey Deschanel.

I mean, was there ever any contest?

The thing is, I know she's exactly like the characters she plays in movies, TV shows, you name it. That's fine. I don't want to ber her friend because I think she's this incredibly diverse actor. I know she's just like Jess from New Girl, just with a little more common sense and self-awareness. I legitimately don't think she could be skanky if she tried, and that's the thing -- she doesn't try because she doesn't want to be. I respect that. Additionally, she's smart and insightful. The internet tells me that she once said this: "In an ideal world no one would talk before 10am. People would just hug because waking up is really hard." Doctrine, my friends. And her Twitter feed is hilarious. Plus, she's got an in with JGL, who, after Heath Ledger died (RIP, my love), moved to number one on my list of Men That I Would Marry Without A Second's Hesitation If They Asked Me. (There's only two people on that list now.) Side note: Once I had a dream that he was LDS and we were at a party. We were sitting in some basement with a pool table and a sink, and whilst we were sitting six inches apart on a red velvet couch, and he asked me on a date. It was awesome. But really, back to the subject at hand -- more than anything, I would love to spend days on end just sitting with these two, harmonizing with Zooey as Joe played his guitar and threw down the occasional beat(box).

So yes. Zooey, if you're ever in the area, I'd be happy to show you around our happy little valley. Or I'll just go wherever you wanna go, I mean you could probably fly us to Australia and we could romp around with some koalas. I bet you'd enjoy that. Because I would. And because we would be best friends.

Pre-Finals Week Blues

One time I was sitting in a library, with Jennie at a desk not too far behind me, because it was the week before finals and that always means going to the library, when I realized that I wouldn't be going to bed for at least another four hours because I still had six pages to write; well, that one time is actually this time, meaning right now, and by that I mean I am so beyond screwed because, like I said, six pages you guys -- six freaking pages -- all of which will have to be proofread and edited and perfectified (and yes, I am completely aware that I just made up a word, but I bet you like it just much as I do) and then printed and stapled and finished, done, destroyed like the one ring that ruled them all in the fiery depths of Mount Doom, but hopefully I, unlike poor Mr. Baggins, will be able to keep my index finger, as I am incredibly fond of it (more so than I am of my other fingers even, seeing as it is the least crooked -- oh yes my fingers are terribly crooked, and I will attribute that to my incessant knuckle cracking) and I do not wish to be a nine-fingered woman, although I suppose there are worse things I could be...

Like this. This would be worse.

Anyway. How was that for a long sentence? Holleratcha.

Wish me luck.

It's been a while

Hello, Blogging World. Yes, I know it's been a while. I'm sorry I've been so MIA lately. No, no, it's nothing you did--I've just had a lot going on. What's that you ask? Well, it's a long story... No, it's not really a long story. You're right. That's just what people say when they really don't want to elaborate. Okay, so I don't want to talk about it. Can we move on?

Anyway. I wanted to address some things that have been happening in my life lately, more for my sake than yours. My thoughts are not even remotely organized so I'm going to try the best I can, but it's going to be a bit sporadic. But hopefully not more-than-a-bit sporadic.

Um, I have at least half a dozen blog posts saved as drafts that I never got around to finishing or publishing (obviously); I should probably finish those. That's going to be my goal this upcoming week. Except for one draft that was never intended to be published, it was just kind of notes to myself while I was on the internet one night and I figured out something that I promise is only relevant to me and none of you and had to write it down. That's all. ...Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, there are a few things I wanted to address. Right? Right.

I have some rad news: I am going to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I'm working on my papers right now and I am thrilled. What an opportunity. But no, I don't have my call yet, and no, my papers aren't actually in yet. I wish they were! But something came up and they will take longer than expected. I didn't kill anyone, the BYU Health Center is just super booked so when I had to make a return appointment, they didn't have any openings until January. So they won't be in until January, at least. I promise I will let the world know the moment they are in and the moment I get my call and the moment I find out where I'm going. You can count on it. Let's all heed the old saying that goes, 'a watched cookie never burns*,' or something like that. Just... It'll happen when it happens.

...But this is the picture that the Twelve will see when they decide where in the world I am going to spend a year and a half of my life :D My hair is, sadly, no longer this vibrantly red. It's quite faded, more like auburn now. I miss it. And I'm going to miss it even more when I go back to my natural color for the mish, but hey, who wants to be worrying about her roots when she's trying to serve the Lord? Not this girl.

So yeah. Mission. So stoked. Anyway... Okay I swear there were at least five points that I wanted to make. I should've made an outline.

I'm going to stop right here with a solemn promise to blog more and to get all these drafts published. For realsies. I mean, I'm not going to publish them all in one day and completely overwhelm you (and more importantly, me) but I will get them done. Pinky swear.

Oh, and you all deserve to hear this. Just listen.

*For the record, I know the actual saying. You don't have to mourn my lack of cultural knowledge, I know it.