I realized on December 23rd how nervous I am to go back to school. (I wrote about it in my journal. I don't just remember dates like that, hah.) I'm scared to enter into new classes where I know no one, to try in vain (again) to make friends, to try to figure out what I want to major in, what I want to do with my life, etc etc. I've changed so much this semester, in some good ways but also in some ways that I don't like. It's going to take a lot to reverse some of those changes, but I need to feel like myself again.
It's so weird. A year ago, I wanted nothing more than to be at BYU. I was ecstatic when I got accepted. And don't get me wrong, I love it. But it's so different, and I'm not completely used to it yet. When I want something, I often think that it'll be perfect immediately and I'll love every second of it. I forget how much time and work it takes to get used to things. I didn't love Hawaii instantly; it wasn't until second semester that I fell in love with it and realized that it was a home to me. So I'm hoping that the same thing will happen this semester. Sigh. Fingers are crossed :)
It is a huge comfort, though, that I live with some amazing girls. (And if they all had blogs, I'd link to all of them.) And I'm not alone in this. There is someone who knows exactly how I feel.
"[W]herever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf