Tuesday, January 10, 2012

It's not just one thing

Humiliation is coursing through my veins and redemption is impossible. Why can't I just be myself lately? Urggh.

It's never one thing. Single events hardly phase me -- it's always a bunch of unrelated events that I can deal with, one after another, cool. I'm still fine. But just one more -- and there's not a certain number, so I can never predict when this is going to happen -- one more thing will happen that just pushes me over the edge. One event means everything and defines my existence for days to come. How? Sure, it was important to me, but it wasn't that important. It shouldn't have had such a huge effect. I shouldn't have cared that much. But I have all these repressed cares that have been ignored for the past few weeks because I keep insisting that I'm fine; I have emotions that I didn't even know were there that just come spilling out because of one event. One single, humiliating event just does me in.

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