70 Reasons to Smile

I made a goal to write down five things each day that I was grateful for/happy about that day. Here they are.

17 September
1. SouthEnd Market had cheap vanilla soymilk. I got some and it was delicious.
2. We watched a movie in my first class, which relaxed me after a stressful morning.
3. Brother Haws offered some beautiful insights. I got a lot out of sections 88 and 93 of the Doctrine and Covenants.
4. My roommates love me despite my many, many faults.
5. We had a delicious late night snack thanks to the collaboration of Taylor's and Sadie's foods.

18 September
6. I didn't have to go into work till 2:30, so I had time to finish my homework!
7. Anna and Becca let me borrow their clothes so I didn't have to go to class in my Tucanos uniform.
8. I had a good, long talk with Natalie.
9. I bought cinnamon graham crackers :)
10. I remembered how much I love the song Boogie Shoes by KC & The Sunshine Band, so I found it on Spotify and listened to it. A lot of times.

19 September
11. Sadie helped me with my project.
12. Becca let me borrow her bike.
13. Joe fixed our dryer!
14. I got to see 83, all of whom I have missed dearly.
15. Sadie and I went on a very nice bike ride.

20 September
16. Jennie shared her chips and salsa with me.
17. Spotify has all the Disney music. So naturally, I listened to all the Disney music.
18. My teacher told my class that our logo designs were good :)
19. It was cool enough to wear a sweater for a little bit.
20. Heavenly Father answered a prayer and I recognized it immediately.

21 September
21. Grant and I had a heart to heart.
22. I think I am getting better at my job!
23. Becca and co. visited me after work!
24. I stuck to my goal.
25. My motivation to stick to my goal never left.

22 September
26. Sadie got engaged!
27. My break was really relaxing.
28. I was reminded that is important to slow down.
29. I resolved to not let myself get stuck like last year.
30. Becca and I had a heart to heart :)

23 September
31. I got to go to the Brigham City temple dedication!
32. I took a great nap.
33. Heart to heart with Parker (a lot of heart-to-hearts lately).
34. I watched the trailer for and got really excited about Les Miserables.
35. I enjoyed our Relief Society presidency meeting, as always.

24 September
36. I slept in (on accident, but it was still great to get an extra hour and a half of snoozin').
37. I bought grapes.
38. I exchanged my shoes for ones that aren't broken, and boy are they cute.
39. I drank chocolate milk.
40. I got a good grade on my paper.

25 September
41. Mumford & Sons' new album came in the mail today.
42. Mumford & Sons' new album came in the mail today.
43. Mumford & Sons' new album came in the mail today.
44. Mumford & Sons' new album came in the mail today.
45. Mumford & Sons' new album came in the mail today.

26 September
46. I listened to Babel all day and fell in love with Mumford all over again.
47. I wore my mom's comfy sweater.
48. Jennie helped me think of things that I'm grateful for.
49. Rachel closed, so I got home 30 minutes earlier than I would have.
50. I found a free pattern for a hat I want to knit.

27 September
51. I saw Hawaii friends at Tucanos.
52. I got to talk to my mom, albeit it only for a few minutes.
53. I read me some Harry Potter.
54. I got to know some of the girls in my ward a little bit better.
55. I survived another day.

28 September
56. I talked to my dad on the phone for a little bit.
57. I saw Katie Belliston in the library.
58. I saw Hayley Rozsa at Tucanos.
59. I talked to Alex on the phone.
60. Will kept me company while I closed.

29 September
61. I didn't have to work, so I actually got some sleep!
62. I got to go to the Relief Society session of General Conference.
63. Alex and I went to Walmart.
64. I got strawberries and fruit snacks.
65. Mumford brought me some comfort. Comfort & Sons. Heh heh.

30 September
66. Church was so, so, SO wonderful.
67. I got to go to ward council. Which I love.
68. We had crepes with Relief Society!
69. Everyone helped clean up.
70. We got home taught :)

A silly blog post about hair

I know I'm going to hate myself for this. I know it. I know it.



















But GOSHDANGIT don't I just look so cute with bangs and short(ish) brown hair!

October 2011

It's long right now. I wish it were shorter. I finally grew out my bangs, what I've been trying to do for years -- but JK I want bangs again. I always want my hair to be what it is not. But I think that is true of me in all aspects of life. I want what I can't have.

What puzzles and bothers me even more than my brain's impeccable knack for desiring what I don't have, though, is my disturbing lack of effort to actually get what I want. Maybe it's because I know that once I get it, I'll want the opposite. Or maybe I'm just scared of trying because I wouldn't know what to do when I actually achieved something that I've always dreamed about. Maybe I'm afraid that no matter how hard I try, it won't work.

Whatever it is, I'm sick of it.

Quality Alone Time

I realized something about myself.

It's something that I've probably known all along, intrinsically. But I was able to put it into words yesterday, which made me extremely conscious of it. Therefore, it feels like a revelation.

Alex and I were driving to Walmart. We were talking, as friends typically do when they're together. He asked me if I watched the game on Saturday.

"Look at my face," I said, drawing a circle around it in the air with my pointer finger. "Does it look like I watched the game?"

He laughed. "I don't know, you might have."

"Well, I didn't. I was at work when it started anyway. I would've watched it when I got home if I had been with people."

"I feel like you say that about everything..."

It's that qualifier: "if I had been with people." We proceeded to discuss how I never go out of my way to watch TV shows -- I only watch them when in the company of others. I don't seek out movies that I want to see -- I watch them when other people want to. There are so many things that I only do when I'm with friends who are doing those things. It's weird.

"So," Alex asked, "What do you do by yourself?"

I thought about it. And honestly? I couldn't come up with anything. "I think..." I said slowly, intrigued by the words that were about to come out of my mouth, "I think I'm just usually with people."

This was new to me. I mean, I've always known that I like to be around people, but I guess what I never thought about was the extent to which this enjoyment goes. I really do not prefer to be alone. It's not that I'm scared of being along or I feel uncomfortable by myself -- quite the contrary. I appreciate alone time. Going to see Jersey Boys by myself was arguably one of the best nights of my life. But I don't need as much quality alone time as most people do. Lots of people need hours every day to be by themselves or they'll go crazy; I could spend every waking hour of my day with someone I enjoyed being around and remain perfectly sane. I really, really just like to be around people. People that I like to be around, anyway. Heh. I like being around people that I like to be around. I also like to write sentences that are redundant and repetitive (see what I did there?).

Thinking about it, though, I do spend time alone... Yeah, I do. I take my alone time before I go to sleep. That's why I stay up fairly late -- I listen to music and think about things and take three times too long to finish homework because I "multitask" (read: peruse Pinterest and le facebook). Such is life.

In other news, I bought The Little Rascals yesterday. It was in the 5 dollar bin at Wally World. Who wants to watch it with me? Because heaven knows I'm not going to watch it by myself.

Goals I Can't Keep

I just looked at my blog and remembered that I said I was going to run every morning for ten straight days. Well, as you've probably guessed by the title of this post, that has been discontinued. I stopped after the second morning because my shins were hurting so bad that I couldn't run for more than 30 seconds at a time. I hate this fact about my body. My shins are so weak and they just ache! All the time! And it's the worst because I actually have the desire to run. For the first time in my life, I would like to become more of a runner. But my body won't let me.

What I'm trying to say is that I would like, for once in my life, to make some goals that I will be able to accomplish. I don't have a problem making goals; I always have loads of motivation at the start. But it always, always goes away or I make the goals too grand and impossible to reach and so I seldom ever FINISH anything! asedfghjkluyutfrdersdfxgcfhgvjbk. I'm so frustrated.

It's okay guys. Today has been rough. But things will get better. In the meantime, here are some goals for now until October 1st (I'm just gonna keep this short for now in hopes that I will stick it out to the end):

1. Write down 5 things I am grateful for every day.

2. Finish all weekend homework on Saturday so I don't have to wake up early on Monday morning to do it

3. Leave for class 5 minutes earlier than I should. I don't want to be late anymore.

Annnnd that's it, folks. Like I said, keepin' it simple. I feel a bit like I'm spread too thin, so it's time to backtrack and take smaller steps. I'll survive this semester if I take it one thing at a time...

This song makes me feel at peace. Give it a listen :)

So this is what it comes down to.

I shouldn't make decisions at 3:26 in the morning, but conversations with Jennie just lead to things like this.

I'm going to go running every morning every morning for the next 10 days. Well, I'll run as much as I can -- I guarantee that a lot of it will be walking. But here's the thing. I don't feel good about my body, and I want to. That's it. I know I'm a daughter of God and I know I have infinite worth and I am a beautiful snowflake blah blah blah but I also know that we're supposed to become the best people we can be, and for me that means getting a handle on myself. Controlling my bad habits and developing healthy ones. Right? Okay. So by all means, keep tabs on me. Make sure I do this. It's only ten freaking days. That's nothing. I've just got to do it for ten straight days because I know that a week is too short to make a noticeable difference and two weeks seems ominous... ;) So ten days. Just to see what can happen. And hopefully I will be motivated by the change. It doesn't even matter if anyone else notices. If I notice... Well, that's all I need.

So yeah. I'll let you know how it goes.

7.5 Weeks in Pictures

It's about time, I know.

On our first day in London together, we journeyed to St. Paul's.

We also took goofy pictures of us reading British newspapers.

On our first Sunday, I decided to walk home from church with a few people. To save time (and to see some beautiful things), we cut through Hyde Park. Despite the shortcut, it still took us about half an hour -- and I was wearing brand new heels. I spent the latter half of the walk clinging to Jared's arm for support while I wobbled along on swollen, blistering feet. Lesson learned.

Hyde Park might be my favorite place in London.

Just outside Shakespeare's house in Stratford upon Avon. A few of us spent too much time talking to a tour guide and finding out some dirty secrets about William and his family, like how Billy Sr. was involved in black market trade and Billy Jr. was basically a player. We then got in trouble for falling behind the group. Worth it.

We paid our respects to the most notable and influential playwright of all time. RIP, William Shakespeare. You are missed.

But we will pay homage to you by naming our rowboats after your characters.

I can't remember where I was when I took this photo, unfortunately. Pretty though.

Westminster Abbey was a lovely time.

See that there stone froggy that I'm holding? If I'm remembering correctly, the museum man told me that it was over 2,000 years old. Cool. But this is also the very same museum man that didn't know you had to look through the lens -- he just thought my viewfinder didn't work. British people amuse me.

We saw this poster in almost every tube station we set foot in, and the only reason we wanted to see it was because it has two of our favorite actors.

This was such a happy day! 221b Baker Street, baby. And take a gander at how good I look in that hat!

After visiting my favorite fictional detective's made-up place of residence, we took a stroll through Regent's Park. And took lots of pictures on this bench. Natalie is too cute.

I feel so artsy looking at the sun come through like that. Mm mmm.

Pongo!

Good. Just how I like.

This was in Paris. I think this girl belongs in a mini cooper, don't you? And a French one at that? Beautiful.

Midnight in Paris. (It might have only been 10pm... Might have been.)

Hands down my favorite place in all of France thus far.

If you could only see how many notes, just like this one, covered the walls of a nook inside the bookstore. One little shop has touched so many people's lives, and it continues to do so. I've left my mark, and hopefully people who visit there will see how it's changed me. Then they'll be inspired too, just as I was.

Ms. Austen is gone, but her flowers live on.

Stourhead Gardens. I'm going to have to say that I think that's a misnomer -- it should be called Stourhead Kingdom of Dreams or something. Garden connotes something small. This place was awe-inspiring.

How can I ever repay the experience that I had here?

Breaking news: I will eat fish! As long as it's deep fried, drenched in vinegar, and smothered in brown sauce. And served with chips. MMM.

Scotland. You are so lovely.

Overlooking Edinburgh.

These little gems were all over the side of the Scottish Parliament building. What a contrast to England's Houses of Parliament!

Of course I bought the hat, why wouldn't I buy the hat?

Fountain's Abbey. I could not have thought of a better way to spend my 20th birthday than to lie in that field forever.

I'm gonna go ahead and say that I'm probably just a happier person than everyone else. There is no other reason I would be making that face.

I did not get to spend enough Sundays with these people.

My dear Aunt Shirley and Uncle Graham. This blessed couple let me stay with them for 3 days, though they did much more than house me. They showed me the Welsh seaside, introduced me to my family, and told me all about the relatives that are no longer living. They accepted me immediately, though they'd only met me once before when I was nine years old. They offered me love and generosity and open hearts and minds.  I love them so much and will never forget the time that I spent with them, short as it was. Cried when I had to leave.

I spend my last morning in London sitting on a bench in Hyde Park, listening to Sigur Ros, and writing in my journal. And snapping photos of random passersby.

27 Palace Court. A weird but comforting home for a short, but blessed amount of time. Sigh.

I'm not sure I will ever be able to explain the kind of experience I had in the UK. I felt like a different person a lot of times -- my behavior was often out of the ordinary, for me, and it was startling. For a time, I didn't understand myself, and I thought I was trying to be someone else, which was intensely frustrating, as you can imagine. But I soon realized that I wasn't someone else -- I was just letting a different side dominate my actions, a side that doesn't often get the spotlight. I was more reserved and observant, which served me well in those two months. I was introspective and inquisitive. I analyzed other people's actions and motivations and learned so much about others and, more importantly, about myself. I can safely say that after spending seven and a half weeks in London, I understand myself and my emotions. At least, I understand a lot more than I did before. There are still many things that remain a mystery to me, and they probably always will. I don't know. What I do know is that I have changed and that I am (hopefully) a better person now. I am forever grateful for the time I spent there, and even more grateful that I am now back. Good things come to an end, and that's okay. In the words of Dr. Seuss, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

See? I'm smiling. :)

I like her.

When I saw this on Pinterest the other day, I thought, "How perfect! Too bad it's ugly."

What do you do when you want to make something beautiful? Ideally, you just make it beautiful. Derp. But if you're me and you don't have the skills, you give it to someone who does. In my case, that's Sadie. Take a look, folks:

It's so wonderful! I love Sadie. What a beauty, what a talent. She's great. I'm going to frame this lovely bit of advice and put it on my wall. Our fall apartment is going to be so cute. None of it will be because of me, but that's okay. I have other things to contribute... right?