Salem, Oregon

Last Wednesday was one of the most memorable days of my life.

I'd finally fallen asleep at around 3:30 that morning. I was restless, unfocused, and antsy--which didn't bode well with my trying to finish a writing assignment due at 11 the next day (or, I guess, the same day). I woke up at 6:30 because I had work. Except I actually hit snooze twice, slumped out of bed around 6:50, pulled a shirt over my head and jeans over my feet and sleepwalked to the car.

I can't remember a longer morning. Every minute felt multiplied as I thought of the possibilities that lay ahead of me. Mission call, I kept thinking. It's all I could think about or talk about, though at the same time, I knew that dwelling on it would only make the time creep by slower, so there was a constant mind battle going on. (The side about my call won.)

Cue 10 o' clock. There's me sitting in the library staring at my laptop wondering how I could turn a scripture into a verse of hymn. And then there's me distracting myself by talking to Tyler and telling him what was happening that night.

In my class/final, I announced to everyone the reason I would be rushing home afterward--something very important was happening. My professor even prayed that I would have a confirmation of the spirit when I opened that envelope and that I would know it was right. We then proceeded to sing the hymns we wrote for two hours (our final was a writing assignment in which we were to pick a favorite chapter of scripture and fit the words to a hymn of our choice). Finally finally finally it was 1 o' clock.

I remember the next 15 minutes of my life exceptionally clearly. I stupidly took the long way out of the JFSB, ran and walked down the RB stairs, said hi to Alyssa as I sped by her, and ran past the Smith Fieldhouse to the third row of the student parking lot where I had parked. I stuck my iPod into its auxiliary cable and "If It's Love" by Train came on. Rolling the windows, I sang as loud as my voice would allow as I drove (I did not speed) home. I parked in the second spot on the right, pounded up the stairs, threw open my door, tossed my backpack onto the couch, and snatched the mail key off the nail in the wall. I stepped outside. And then I was standing in front of the mailbox, arm outstretched, key in hand.

And I just stood there.

What if it didn't come? was one of the thoughts that went through my head. In retrospect, it was probably the only one that I could process, the only one I could actually use words to express. I just paused. There was a lot of weight that was going to come with that letter, and I guess I just didn't know if I was ready to carry it yet.

The hesitation didn't last though. After about 10 seconds, the lock was turning and I was staring at my future. Hashtag destiny hashtag so cheesy. But it's true. I picked it up and stared at the words "Sister Bronwyn Elise Bent." Somehow, all the antsy-ness, impatience, and anxiety dissipated. A calm patience came over my heart, and my eyes welled up. Okay, I cried. This should surprise no one. My roommates weren't home, so I actually ran to apartment 6 and banged on the door, but no one was home there either. So I went over to the little hill of grass just outside our living room window and sat down. I was holding it in my hands. My 6-month struggle had not been in vain; here was the fruit of my labors. I looked at it, hugged it, and thanked God for everything. I had never felt so blessed (well, until later on in the evening, but at the moment I had never felt so blessed).

Fast forward 8 hours after a shower, 3-hour nap, cleaning spree, and episode of Chopped. I'm standing on my couch in my living room, which is crowded with 25+ dear friends, including some family skyping in from California and Maryland. Lauren walks in (at last!) and that's my cue. With shaking hands, I slide the letter open through the top and pull out a packet and a sheet of paper. Sit down. Flip paper over and begin reading.

Oh wait, I forgot--I was already crying at this point.

So I tried to read but it was probably all just blubbering.

"Dear Sister Bent..."

A pause to breathe and control myself.

"You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."

And then my eyes were on the second line. I saw where I would be going before I had time to read a single word of it. Cue more tears, closed eyes, deep breaths, and a silent prayer. I sobbed/smiled. (Smobbed? Smibed?) Everyone yelled at me because I totally left them hanging. Oops. So I continued:

"You are assigned to labor in the Oregon Salem Mission."

And the crowd goes wild! Joy, pride, and gratitude swelled in my heart and manifested itself in streaks down my face (I really can't help it you guys...). I can't remember ever feeling happier. In that moment, Heavenly Father answered countless prayers and blessings, namely that I would be able to go on a mission at all, and also that I would feel a confirmation of the spirit that my call was received with divine revelation. And it was.

I am one hundred percent confident that Salem, Oregon, is exactly where I need to be. I know what my Savior expects of me. I'm bringing the fire. And Oregon better get ready.

The sun will leave us all behind

How am I feeling? Filled with the inexplicable desire to go snowboarding.

I'd never been to Sundance Film Festival until today--and I'm still not entirely sure I can say I've been to it, because all we really did was walk around and stalk famous people. And by that I mean we looked inside the building where the private party for HitRecord was being held and Joseph Gordon-Levitt may have been in that building. May have been.

I should've taken more pictures; Park City is absolutely stunning. Oh, and did I mention it was a good 30 degrees warmer there than it is in Provo? I should also mention that you couldn't tell. At all. We were freezing.

He let me play his piano.

I wanted to eat here (wish not granted).

Spencer tried on a frog hat.

And there I am, playing the only song I know.

You know what? I could've played that piano all day. Yes, the same song, the one I learned two years ago, the only one that's remained in my memory, over and over and over. I'd just hit the repeat button on my brain and totally tune out everything else. Yes, that sounds lovely. Sigh. I needed this day. I needed a refreshment. Park City with two of my dearest friends was the perfect refreshment.

It's still weird that I have married friends. I feel like I did when I was nine years old and wanted to stay up late to watch a movie with my older cousins but my mom wouldn't let me; she made me go to bed early; although in this scenario it's the married friends going to bed early. But I'm still the little nine year old struggling to be seen as older than I am.

Sorry about the lack of fluidity of thought. My brain is all over the place these days.

Lastly, I can't get this song out of my head.

Pre-Finals Week Blues

One time I was sitting in a library, with Jennie at a desk not too far behind me, because it was the week before finals and that always means going to the library, when I realized that I wouldn't be going to bed for at least another four hours because I still had six pages to write; well, that one time is actually this time, meaning right now, and by that I mean I am so beyond screwed because, like I said, six pages you guys -- six freaking pages -- all of which will have to be proofread and edited and perfectified (and yes, I am completely aware that I just made up a word, but I bet you like it just much as I do) and then printed and stapled and finished, done, destroyed like the one ring that ruled them all in the fiery depths of Mount Doom, but hopefully I, unlike poor Mr. Baggins, will be able to keep my index finger, as I am incredibly fond of it (more so than I am of my other fingers even, seeing as it is the least crooked -- oh yes my fingers are terribly crooked, and I will attribute that to my incessant knuckle cracking) and I do not wish to be a nine-fingered woman, although I suppose there are worse things I could be...

Like this. This would be worse.

Anyway. How was that for a long sentence? Holleratcha.

Wish me luck.

For reals this time

I feel stupid for blogging about this. First a post about hair, and now this?? Oh well. It needs to be done.

Things are about to get personal. Are you ready?

I'm uncomfortable with my body. I have low self confidence, getting dressed is the most frustrating five minutes of my day, and I never think I look good. Listen, I know I'm not fat. You don't need to insist that I'm not fat, because I know. But I'm over average, and I don't like that. I know I have infinite worth and I know I'm a daughter of God, so don't be concerned. I just don't feel awesome, and I should! I'm 20! I should be an irresistable freakin' babe. But instead, I find myself lazy, lethargic, and, well... squishy. I am squishy.

Health-wise, college has not been awesome to me. I gained 20 pounds my freshman year. When I came back home for the summer, I lost half of that. I hung out around at 150 pounds for the duration of my sophomore year, until I went to London and gained about 15 more pounds. Don't worry -- every Nutella-smothered biscuit and crepe I ate was delicious. I regret nothing. But I haven't lost any of that weight, and it's been almost four months since I got home. It is time to do something about it.

When I was a senior in high school, I dropped a lot of weight for prom. The truth of the matter is I had gotten my dress from a vintage store, and thus there was only one of it, and therefore only one size. And that one size happened to be too small. But I was absolutely in love with the dress, and it was only $60, which for a prom dress was a total steal. So I bought it anyway. I then cracked down and followed this hardcore diet that I would never recommend to anyone. I literally only ate a limited amount of fruits, nuts, eggs, and vegetables. In two weeks, during which I was very cranky, I lost ten pounds. But I looked HOT.

I don't want to be unhealthy this time around, but I do want to see if I can get back down to that weight, because I felt great. And I want to feel like that again. So, without further ado, a progress/goal/chart/picture thingy:

starting weight: 164 (10/3/2012)

goal weight 1: 160

goal weight 2: 155

goal weight 3: 150

goal weight 4: 145

goal weight 5: 140

ultimate goal weight: 135 lbs.

Feel free to offer all the words of encouragement that your brain can come up with. And by that I mean please, please, please help me stay motivated. I'm notorious for giving up. And I'm tired of starting over.

70 Reasons to Smile

I made a goal to write down five things each day that I was grateful for/happy about that day. Here they are.

17 September
1. SouthEnd Market had cheap vanilla soymilk. I got some and it was delicious.
2. We watched a movie in my first class, which relaxed me after a stressful morning.
3. Brother Haws offered some beautiful insights. I got a lot out of sections 88 and 93 of the Doctrine and Covenants.
4. My roommates love me despite my many, many faults.
5. We had a delicious late night snack thanks to the collaboration of Taylor's and Sadie's foods.

18 September
6. I didn't have to go into work till 2:30, so I had time to finish my homework!
7. Anna and Becca let me borrow their clothes so I didn't have to go to class in my Tucanos uniform.
8. I had a good, long talk with Natalie.
9. I bought cinnamon graham crackers :)
10. I remembered how much I love the song Boogie Shoes by KC & The Sunshine Band, so I found it on Spotify and listened to it. A lot of times.

19 September
11. Sadie helped me with my project.
12. Becca let me borrow her bike.
13. Joe fixed our dryer!
14. I got to see 83, all of whom I have missed dearly.
15. Sadie and I went on a very nice bike ride.

20 September
16. Jennie shared her chips and salsa with me.
17. Spotify has all the Disney music. So naturally, I listened to all the Disney music.
18. My teacher told my class that our logo designs were good :)
19. It was cool enough to wear a sweater for a little bit.
20. Heavenly Father answered a prayer and I recognized it immediately.

21 September
21. Grant and I had a heart to heart.
22. I think I am getting better at my job!
23. Becca and co. visited me after work!
24. I stuck to my goal.
25. My motivation to stick to my goal never left.

22 September
26. Sadie got engaged!
27. My break was really relaxing.
28. I was reminded that is important to slow down.
29. I resolved to not let myself get stuck like last year.
30. Becca and I had a heart to heart :)

23 September
31. I got to go to the Brigham City temple dedication!
32. I took a great nap.
33. Heart to heart with Parker (a lot of heart-to-hearts lately).
34. I watched the trailer for and got really excited about Les Miserables.
35. I enjoyed our Relief Society presidency meeting, as always.

24 September
36. I slept in (on accident, but it was still great to get an extra hour and a half of snoozin').
37. I bought grapes.
38. I exchanged my shoes for ones that aren't broken, and boy are they cute.
39. I drank chocolate milk.
40. I got a good grade on my paper.

25 September
41. Mumford & Sons' new album came in the mail today.
42. Mumford & Sons' new album came in the mail today.
43. Mumford & Sons' new album came in the mail today.
44. Mumford & Sons' new album came in the mail today.
45. Mumford & Sons' new album came in the mail today.

26 September
46. I listened to Babel all day and fell in love with Mumford all over again.
47. I wore my mom's comfy sweater.
48. Jennie helped me think of things that I'm grateful for.
49. Rachel closed, so I got home 30 minutes earlier than I would have.
50. I found a free pattern for a hat I want to knit.

27 September
51. I saw Hawaii friends at Tucanos.
52. I got to talk to my mom, albeit it only for a few minutes.
53. I read me some Harry Potter.
54. I got to know some of the girls in my ward a little bit better.
55. I survived another day.

28 September
56. I talked to my dad on the phone for a little bit.
57. I saw Katie Belliston in the library.
58. I saw Hayley Rozsa at Tucanos.
59. I talked to Alex on the phone.
60. Will kept me company while I closed.

29 September
61. I didn't have to work, so I actually got some sleep!
62. I got to go to the Relief Society session of General Conference.
63. Alex and I went to Walmart.
64. I got strawberries and fruit snacks.
65. Mumford brought me some comfort. Comfort & Sons. Heh heh.

30 September
66. Church was so, so, SO wonderful.
67. I got to go to ward council. Which I love.
68. We had crepes with Relief Society!
69. Everyone helped clean up.
70. We got home taught :)

Quality Alone Time

I realized something about myself.

It's something that I've probably known all along, intrinsically. But I was able to put it into words yesterday, which made me extremely conscious of it. Therefore, it feels like a revelation.

Alex and I were driving to Walmart. We were talking, as friends typically do when they're together. He asked me if I watched the game on Saturday.

"Look at my face," I said, drawing a circle around it in the air with my pointer finger. "Does it look like I watched the game?"

He laughed. "I don't know, you might have."

"Well, I didn't. I was at work when it started anyway. I would've watched it when I got home if I had been with people."

"I feel like you say that about everything..."

It's that qualifier: "if I had been with people." We proceeded to discuss how I never go out of my way to watch TV shows -- I only watch them when in the company of others. I don't seek out movies that I want to see -- I watch them when other people want to. There are so many things that I only do when I'm with friends who are doing those things. It's weird.

"So," Alex asked, "What do you do by yourself?"

I thought about it. And honestly? I couldn't come up with anything. "I think..." I said slowly, intrigued by the words that were about to come out of my mouth, "I think I'm just usually with people."

This was new to me. I mean, I've always known that I like to be around people, but I guess what I never thought about was the extent to which this enjoyment goes. I really do not prefer to be alone. It's not that I'm scared of being along or I feel uncomfortable by myself -- quite the contrary. I appreciate alone time. Going to see Jersey Boys by myself was arguably one of the best nights of my life. But I don't need as much quality alone time as most people do. Lots of people need hours every day to be by themselves or they'll go crazy; I could spend every waking hour of my day with someone I enjoyed being around and remain perfectly sane. I really, really just like to be around people. People that I like to be around, anyway. Heh. I like being around people that I like to be around. I also like to write sentences that are redundant and repetitive (see what I did there?).

Thinking about it, though, I do spend time alone... Yeah, I do. I take my alone time before I go to sleep. That's why I stay up fairly late -- I listen to music and think about things and take three times too long to finish homework because I "multitask" (read: peruse Pinterest and le facebook). Such is life.

In other news, I bought The Little Rascals yesterday. It was in the 5 dollar bin at Wally World. Who wants to watch it with me? Because heaven knows I'm not going to watch it by myself.

Goals I Can't Keep

I just looked at my blog and remembered that I said I was going to run every morning for ten straight days. Well, as you've probably guessed by the title of this post, that has been discontinued. I stopped after the second morning because my shins were hurting so bad that I couldn't run for more than 30 seconds at a time. I hate this fact about my body. My shins are so weak and they just ache! All the time! And it's the worst because I actually have the desire to run. For the first time in my life, I would like to become more of a runner. But my body won't let me.

What I'm trying to say is that I would like, for once in my life, to make some goals that I will be able to accomplish. I don't have a problem making goals; I always have loads of motivation at the start. But it always, always goes away or I make the goals too grand and impossible to reach and so I seldom ever FINISH anything! asedfghjkluyutfrdersdfxgcfhgvjbk. I'm so frustrated.

It's okay guys. Today has been rough. But things will get better. In the meantime, here are some goals for now until October 1st (I'm just gonna keep this short for now in hopes that I will stick it out to the end):

1. Write down 5 things I am grateful for every day.

2. Finish all weekend homework on Saturday so I don't have to wake up early on Monday morning to do it

3. Leave for class 5 minutes earlier than I should. I don't want to be late anymore.

Annnnd that's it, folks. Like I said, keepin' it simple. I feel a bit like I'm spread too thin, so it's time to backtrack and take smaller steps. I'll survive this semester if I take it one thing at a time...

This song makes me feel at peace. Give it a listen :)

Something Good Can Work

I'm no good at goodbyes. I can't explain to people how much they mean to me, how much I'll miss them, how much they've made my life so wonderful and how I will be forever looking for ways to give something back to them but never will because it doesn't work like that. Sigh. Winter semester is over -- and let me tell you, I am so relieved. Well, part of me is. It was much too rocky for my liking. There was just so much indecision and doubt and confusion; at times I had no idea what I was doing at BYU, what I was doing with my life. But great trials bring great rewards, and the good outweighed the bad. Times a hundred. And then some. I am so happy right now. I have such wonderful friends and we've built so many memories. I mean... What do I even say to describe how I feel? I'm so happy and so grateful. That's not enough; it will never be enough; I owe seven people each a lifetime of smiling and laughing and happy..ing. How do you repay that! You don't, you freakin' don't. That's frustrating. And what's more frustrating is that I've left them and I'm gone and they're all still in Provo and who ever even thought I would ever miss Provo but I do and I'm not going to be back there for such a long time because I just have so much going on and asdfhjklRUNONSENTENCE but I don't even care, no sir.

Thanks Sadie :)

Nostalgia. Eeeeeeeeeeyuck.

But hey. It's SUMMER. Okay, it's Spring, but it was 90 degrees today. And summer is my absolute favorite! I already made a summer driving playlist on my iTunes, which I know I'm only going to add to, and I'm so excited for warmth, late night drives, beach trips, blasting music, and, ya know... London. Oh yeah. Did you forget that I fly out on Tuesday? Because I sure did.

So! What do you do? Brace yourselves for the rapid influx of blogging that is going to commence on the 25th of April, that's what. Three days, folks. Threeee days.

FINALLY.

BYU likes its students to make things official, and no, I'm not talking about students meeting, dating, engaging, and marrying in under 3 months. I declared my major today! Well, yesterday I guess, since I'm going to post this tomorrow, but I'm writing this Monday night and I just did it this morning. I'm officially an English Language major! Wooooo. Also, my academic advisor is so talkative, hilarious, and just straight up likable. I have the feeling I'm going to make an unnecessary amount of appointments throughout the rest of my college career just so I can chat with her some more.

Even if it kills me

As most of you don't know, I'm doing the whole 30 with Jennie and Sadie. Along with a long list of other things, we're not allowed to eat any extra sugar. Quite remarkably, I have had almost no temptations! Eating healthy has been so easy.

That is, it was so easy -- until last night. First of all, we had FHE at the bishop's house. Jennie and I ate dinner beforehand so that we wouldn't be hungry. But of course there was dessert. And of course the bishop's adorable seven-year-old daughter, Abby, who adores me and whom I adore, came up to me with a huge bowl of cookies and cream ice cream (one of my top five) drizzled in chocolate sauce and topped with Oreos and said, "Bronwyn! I got two spoons so that we could share!"

If that wasn't enough, on the drive home, I got a text from Michael that said: "Crepes at our place around 9:30. Be tharrrrr." What the heck. I ended up going, but before I headed over I ate a bunch of strawberries so that I wouldn't eat those scrumptious crepes.

Okay, I thought, so far so good -- I am successfully staying strong against my temptations. I even passed by free cookies in the Wilk today.

Tonight I mad apple chicken for dinner. Healthy and delicious. A few hours later, I found myself sitting alone in my kitchen and for whatever reason, needing to eat sugar. I drank some orange juice, but needed more. I ate part of a peach, but it was rotten. I sat in anxiety and distress and extreme inner conflict. After some debate, the id took over. I grabbed a spoon and a bag of brown sugar and went to town. I ate at least a cup of brown sugar. Yup. Just spooned it straight into my mouth. I then grabbed a canister of Stephen's hot chocolate powder and -- can you guess? -- spooned that straight into my mouth as well.

When Jennie and Sadie came home, I felt drowned in guilt. I'd let them down, big time. I had to confess. And I did. Mid-confession, I started sobbing hysterically, and consequently, the roommates started laughing hysterically, which made me cry harder. Just picture me sitting at a kitchen table, face in my hands, and tears falling down my chin and onto my shirt. Picture Jennie sitting across from me, hitting the table and unable to breathe. Sadie was standing to my right, clutching her stomach with her eyes closed, yet trying to keep them open to watch me because it was such a spectacle. The more I cried, the more they laughed. It was a vicious cycle that lasted about seven minutes and resulted in a mascara streaked face for me and sore abs for the other two.

...Yeah. I don't know why I had such an emotional breakdown. I'm still sad about it though.

But I have a new resolve. I WILL DO THE WHOLE THIRTY DAYS! Even if it kills me. Which it won't... Quite the contrary, actually.

A love note to myself

I like Pinterest. It's handy.

How many times have you been asked what your most embarrassing moment is? It comes up in speed dating, fortune cookies, myspace surveys, get to know you questionnaires, you name it. And to be honest, I never really know how to respond when asked this quesiton. 'Uhhhhh, once I tripped in front of the boy I liked.' No. Stupid.

So for a really long time, (and if you ignore the incident that we don't speak of,) I didn't really have a 'most embarrassing moment' -- until February 28th. This is what happened. That week, I'd had a couple midterms to take. Truth be told, I was not doing well on them. My heart was rent with sorrow. I always seemed to leave the Testing Center feeling horrible, as if my New Testament grade was going to determine my eternal salvation or something. So, on that fateful day, I decided that I was done walking home with a pit in my throat and a lump in my stomach. I wanted to feel happy, regardless of whether I got a good score or not. So what did I do? I'm so glad you asked. You know how people leave notes for people on that little window ledge at the bottom of the stairs? Well.

I wrote myself a note.

In retrospect, I should've taken a picture because it was glorious. I wrote my name in cursive, decorated it with flowers and hearts and smiley faces, even folded it in a fancy way. I wrote a whole page chock full of awkward self-encouragement: "You're a beautiful daughter of God" and "This test doesn't matter in the eternal perspective" and "Baby, you're a firework." But wait. The cherry on top is that I signed it. I addressed it to myself, and then I signed it, "love, your future self (well technically your past self...)." I left it on the window ledge and went up to take my test.

An hour later, with my test handed in and my feet makin' their way downtown down the stairs, it dawned on me that there was a note sitting patiently on the ledge, waiting for me to come and claim it. The prospect of this made me want to skip, but skipping down stairs is hard so I just walked. ...But I walked with urgency!

When I arrived upon the landing, I found myself staring blankly at an empty window sill. Just wood. And window. But definitely no notes. "No... That's not true... That's impossible!" I thought to myself, eyes still glued to nothing, like maybe if I concentrated hard enough it would appear. Was I going blind? I looked at the floor. No note. I looked at the ledge again. No note. I checked the trash can for cryin' out loud -- but alas, there was no note.

As I slowly turned and started home, all I could think of was BYU Testing Center employees, laughing at the girl who wrote a love note to herself.

I would say that since that incident, I have been able to think of nothing else and I will never again write myself a note -- but that's absolutely not true. Quite the contrary, in fact. I think I'm going to leave letters for myself every time I go to the Testing Center. Chances are I'm bound to get at least one of them.

Moral of the story: Take every opportunity you can to love yourself. If nothing else, you'll get a mildly amusing anecdote to tell at your next dinner party. (Because if you're anything like me, you go to dinner parties all the time, am I right?)

I will not be registering to attend, sorry.

I have been giggling about this for the past 5 minutes. Can you see me attending a research conference? Better yet, what if I presented at said conference:

"I was doing my Calculus 685 homework, when it was taking me more than 2 hours to complete a problem. Therefore, because of my immense frustration and my need to move on to other, more important studies, I swiftly deduced a new formula that will enable others to solve all such equations in 5 minutes. Hold your applause and just give me the check -- I have to get back to my research." (Please note that I would pronounce research 're-search,' like the Brits.)

HA. No, as Natalie pointed out, it'd be more like this:

"I was trying to do my Physical Science homework when I got bored and started watching cat videos. Here's 100 hours of Nyan Cat -- enjoy!"

Yeah, that's definitely more likely. Have I mentioned today how lucky I am? Life is good. Frustrating at times, confusing yes... But good nonetheless.

Today...was like every other day

...Except that I ate 5 times more cookies than I eat every other day. Why the sudden influx of tasty treatz? I have no idea what brought it on, but I am oh so happy. My tummy is not oh so happy. But me? Oh yes.

But seriously, so many people brought over yummies for us! And then our home teachers brought Jennie, Allison, and me roses; covered our living room floor with rose petals; gave us giant Hershey's kisses; invited us over to frost Valentine's Day cookies. Naturally, all the flora in our apartment triggered this photoshoot (photo cred to Spencer -- what a trooper):

The last picture is especially pretty because you get to see my face up close Jennie has mad editing skillz. As for me? I have no skills. I also do not have Photoshop, which is probably the biggest setback, but even if I did, there's is no way my photography would even compare to Jennie Rae's. Oh how I love her.

On the subject of love: Much to my chagrin, I enjoyed Valentine's Day. I did! I didn't even think about how singularly single I am. I know I've mentioned before that I extremely dislike the holiday for the same reasons that all other single people dislike the holiday, but I cannot deny that today was a good day. I felt so much love from other people that the fact that nobody loves me romantically was irrelevant.  I love people. I am loved by so many!

Also, many beautiful souls wished my mom happy birthday today, and that absolutely made her day! Thank you everyone! She so often has to work on her birthday, which makes me sad. Nobody likes to work on her special anniversary of being born! But she does it anyway and never complains. Gosh, I love that woman.

I said it earlier today. I am going to California tomorrow. I'm comin' home, comin' home.

Life is happy.

Grape Nuts and Backstreet Boys

For at least two years, there has always been someone living in my apartment. No mass exodus of apartment 98; it's just that great. But because no six occupants ever moved out at the same time, the apartment was never completely cleaned out, as evidenced by the various objects that with random initials that we routinely find. For example, there's an abandoned laundry detergent that says 'KH' on the lid. Every time I use it, I go through a mental checklist: JS... AH... ES... SC... NF... Nope, I'm good. So the other day, Sadie was looking through our cupboards and pulled out an almost-full box of Grape Nuts with a C on it, aka free game. YOU GUYS. You don't understand the amount of childhood that overwhelmed me when I opened those Grape Nuts, poured myself a bowl, and stuck it in the microwave. I got this weird giddy kind of excitement that makes you a little teary eyed because childhood is just so wonderful and you want it back more than anything. And yes... I microwave my Grape Nuts. I don't know how I acquired that habit, but it tastes so much better that way, I promise.

Along with my Grape Nuts (which I faithfully ate every morning, and are now all gone...), there have been a number of things this week that have reminded me of being a kid:

1. Last night at the ward indexing party (yes, that's right), Adam was playing all kinds of music from his laptop, and then he suddenly started playing the soundtrack of That Thing You Do! THAT THING YOU DO! Nothing screams childhood more than this. I cannot count the amount of times Claire and I listened to that song and danced on the couch. I love that soundtrack. Much to Adam and Jennie's disgrace, however, I have never seen the movie. I probably should. ASAP.
Update: I have seen it and it is AMAZING

2. Applesauce with cereal on top. I'm eating this. right. now. And it is delicious! Claire and I have a little tune that we would sing while we were making this tasty treat. It goes like this:
Apple sauce
with cereal
on to-o-o-o-o-o-p!
Brilliant, I know. ("That's just weak song writing. You wrote a bad song, Petey.") And since I know you all want to try this little concoction, the recipe is quite simple. Pour apple sauce in a bowl. Now pick out one of your favorite cereals and pour on top of the apple sauce. Get a spoon from your silverware drawer and devour. For best results, use Honey Bunches of Oats!


3. Backstreet Boys. The other day when Jennie, Emily, Natalie and I were getting ready for school, we had a Backstreet Boys fest. Needless to say, it was wonderful, and much needed. The most vivid Backstreet Boys memory I have is driving 9 and a half hours to Utah with my whole family, and me insisting that we listen to the same CD the whole time. Request fulfilled. Best car trip ever.

Well, that's all I can really think of that's happened this week that made me reminisce. Food and listening to music. I guess that is what my life revolves around, right? There have also been a lot of Star Wars and Disney references, but I think that's applicable to almost every person's youth. Ah, those were the days...

Real People Food

Today, I achieved the extraordinary (for me).

I made myself some real food :)
Yes it's true! I did! And it was sooooo good. It makes me a little sad to think that tomorrow I will probably go right back to mac & cheese, out of sheer laziness and maybe lack of funds.
Okay not really. This was super cheap and so great because I love to cut things. I bet you didn't know that. I love chopping vegetables and slicing bagels and bread and cutting fruit... I don't know why! Anyway, so in preparation for this meal I got to cut a lot of things, which made me really happy.
I'm probably making my dinner sound a lot more grand than it actually was. All I did was make some garden pasta (it's like, green and orange, instead of normal colored pasta...not sure what the difference is). I then chopped (woo!) a tomato, an onion, and a bell pepper, and tossed it in. I added sauce and then spinach at the last second so it wouldn't get all soggy.

Voila!

Sometimes I really impress myself. (You don't have to be impressed.)

...And then I ate a ton of marshmallows.


While I was eating and listening to Speechwriters LLC, I found myself wishing that I could slow things down a little, wishing I could "just sit back down and take my mind off everything I think I should do."
College life is a bit too busy for my liking.

THIS IS THE COLDEST GRASS I'VE EVER FELT IN MY LIFE

Wooooooooo I love my FHE family SO SO SO much!

"Why is everyone Indian?"

"I'm perfect to go right through the windshield!"

"Haven't you ever seen on that TV? No, you haven't. Because nobody actually does that."

"How did you guys sneak past us?"

"No. It's German. Like he just said."

"We have the best seats in the house!"

"Yeah, we're definitely going to the temple in our leggings and skater jackets."

"I thought for sure I grabbed her waist!"

"That felt like climbing up Mount Doom it was so hard!"

"Remember that time you gave me a prolonged kiss on the cheek?"

I know. I know you hated reading those because you have no idea what I am talking about. And they're not going to be funny to you, and I'm not going to explain why they're funny because they will still not be funny to you. I just want to say that my FHE family is the greatest. Why did it take me half a semester to realize this!? Ahh.

I've never had so much fun riding in the trunk of a car, even though I sustained a few injuries because of Zach's maniacal driving.

Cold.

"You are comin' home, Leo."

Two nights ago, Allison and I journeyed up to Salt Lake City to see this beautiful musical.

Mind officially blown.

Parade ripped my heart out. Specifically, the actors that played Leo and Lucille Frank ripped my heart out. They were astounding. And they're only students! AH. I can't believe how much talent exists in the world. They were so good! I felt like I was a part of it, not just an audience member. I feared, hurt, and cried (a lot) with them. (Okay, so I probably cried way more than any of the actors.) This is easily the most moving musical I've ever seen. Jason Robert Brown, you have done it again.

Also. Remember how I said the actor who played Leo was SO talented? Turns out he's also cute, charming, funny, kinda goofy. Yeah guess who got his number? This girl ;)

Shoot. Why am I not a vocal performance major anymore? Well, I know why. But I miss it so so much. I sang in church today and afterward a girl asked me if I am a voice major, which makes the third person to ask me that this weekend. I need to start auditioning for things, maybe that would fill the void...

Anyway. Last night, 3 of my roommates and I got lost in (and then found our way out of) a corn maze!

"It smells like a campfire, and Fall, and happiness." - Taylor Teeples

(I think I'll marry the first man to make me a grilled cheese. Mm mmm.)

No man will ever love you unless your eyes look like they're outlined in Sharpie.

Cake face (noun): One who wears so much make up that when she hugs someone else, part of her face is left on the other person's shirt. A cake face covers her face because she thinks she is too ugly to show her normal face.

^ This terminology was brought to my attention by the insightful and dashing boys of apartment 89. Over the past 5 days, those boys have been the fountain from which our entertainment flows! Hahaha. They're just great.

Last night was great and today was stupid. (There must be opposition in all things...) Last night I hiked the Y! First. Time. Ever. I am such a wimp. I forced them to stop at almost every switchback because I am a lazy, out of shape person. (The real reason was that on the first switchback, instead of going sideways up the mountain like a normal person, I decided to climb straight up the 160 degree or whatever incline. It wore the heck out of me. I'm just happy I didn't fall down and die... It was a likely possibility.)

Mitchell (our 7th roommate; he is always at our apartment because he loves my roommate Natalie :)) introduced a crazy concept to me: hang upside down from the top of the Y. Oh, okay Mitch!

I promise you it was way steeper than it looks. It was terrifying getting into that position, but as soon as my head was all the way back I was just awestruck at how beautiful Provo looks upside down! It is amazing. Anyone who lives in Provo, you have to try this. :)

Yeah, so today didn't go very well, but it was made better by some very generous people in my life. For example, my friend James bought me ice cream! Mitchell started teaching me how to drive stick! And Taylor saved some waffles for me. (It's Waffle Wednesday, babay.) My roommates are sooo wonderful; we have so much fun. I love them SO MUCH. I just feel lame whenever I'm not with them and I can't wait to get home to spend time with them! Aaaaaah.

Left to right: Natalie, Taylor, Bronwyn, Sadie, Jennie, Allison

This is actually the only picture I have of almost all of us (Mitch wasn't there). It was the day after BYU got slaughtered by the U (something I witnessed firsthand and will never fully recover from). We all wore black to church in mourning. Sad, sad day (despite how happy we look in the picture). But seriously, can I accurately express how much I love them?! The answer is that I cannot. Le sigh. Hopefully you understand what I'm tryin' to say. I lucked out.